This is Part 2 of a 2 series blog on Facing my Fears Alone in the Wilderness; Click here for Part 1.
Reflecting over those 2 days alone, I felt a beginning peace and contentedness grow within. Although my journey to get there was fraught with all sorts of mistakes, fumbles, wrong paths taken, I eventually did find my way to a new ‘home’ base. I was persistent, I never gave up, and I faced the unknown with ‘fearlessness’. Essentially, I felt lots of fear, yet I kept on going, regardless.
After this trip, I did lose my initial fears and went on many other solo trips and learned so much more about my inner self as well as the real physical limitations of my body. I began to experience a sense of spiritual interconnectedness too with Nature that I had never had before these wilderness journeys. This trip was my ‘initiation’ trip, into seeing myself as my own inner heroine. I set a quest and I accomplished it.
On another trip, I found myself camping alone up north in the worst storm in over 30 years! The lake I was at had risen overnight over a foot! I couldn’t believe it! There was lightening and thunder happening at the same time all night long and I found myself screaming in fear at times as well as sitting on top of my Thermarest, like a little boat, as water was running through my tent all night long (I happened to be situated on a slight slope). The next day, still facing my fears and pushing on in my never-ending quest, I decided to go further into the interior, despite the ongoing rain & lightening bursts, but the portage wasn’t recognizable because the water was so high! And then, once I found it, I lost my way while walking through it and had to eventually back track to find the portage again. That was truly frightening. I kept losing and finding my way, over and over on that trip.
Eventually I found another island on another lake and I made a campsite. But this time, I found myself, after a couple of days, having a huge tantrum by the campfire one evening. I screamed and cried and wailed and told myself how much I truly hated being alone!!!! And that I would never do another solo trip again! I was physically exhausted and so tired of forcing myself to face this greatest fear.
But, the oddest thing happened after that trip. I found that I no longer had any fear about being alone anymore. In fact, it started to turn around and I found greater and greater solace and deeper connection & stillness to be alone. And these days, living with my partner, I don’t even get enough alone time now! The paradox was that once I accepted how much I truly hated and feared being alone with my total body/mind being, it dissolved and I somehow was able to fully meet the fear. When you can face your fears, the unknown quality of the anxiety no longer holds a huge grip on you. I found that going away to be own my own, now was transformed into a true enjoyment of my own company and how it allows me to listen deeply within, to reflect or create something new!
After several years of poor health, with an unstable home & work life, my personal Nature Therapy Healing Quests helped me to face and heal my fears of being alone. These trips are what started to give me my confidence back about what I wanted to create and dream about my life. I learned about what I actually could do with my intent and actions and that it is always OK to stop where you are, regroup and do what you can with what you have! I also learned – I really am never alone.
If you want to find out what it might be like to go on a wilderness canoe trip to face your inner fears as well as to learn more about Nature’s deep wisdom, please contact me. I will be organizing a women’s only, and mixed group Earth & Soul Wisdom canoe trips this summer. If you prefer a one-on-one session, we can just talk about how to heal your fears in a private therapy session.
There are a number of ways to reach me. You can email me at Ingrid@buildingsoul.ca or phone. You can leave a comment right here on the website, or you can click the contact tab at the bottom of the screen if you are reading this post on the website.