I have been noticing lately at how hard it is to hold a good, steady focus and how ‘busy’ things always seem to be. I have understood this as a response to the creative impulse of my soul. As I have truly followed my passion and trusted that what was calling me to create that which gives me the greatest joy, I have found many challenges as well as inspiring moments along this path of building my own SOUL.
- “We now have to learn to invite the silence, and having invited it we now have to learn to enter it.”
It’s one thing to create your passion and unblock what may be holding you back from receiving ABUNDANCE on all levels. I have spent years clearing my past emotional history, to change my patterns and re-organize and re-frame how I view reality and my expectations. I have learned how to let go of the past and to manage and hold a clearer intention of what I want in the future. To imagine what before seemed the impossible and to dream bigger than I could even imagine. I have learned how to listen to those minute wobbles of non-clarity within myself and to do what may need to be done to change myself, attune myself differently to get what I think I might want (sometimes you learn it’s not really want you want, so I’m much more careful when I do wish for something!) . And then it’s quite another thing to be in the FLOW and to manage the SURGES of how my spiritual, sexual, creative impulse goes out into the world and then actually experience the world responding back to me with an even bigger YES!
Then there is so much to do that I often find myself running around, driving too fast on errands, letting papers pile up on my desk, trying to manage all the parts of what I’ve started, but feeling like I can never really catch up! I’m learning how to delegate more now and to trust the flow and let things be a little messier or uneven. I’m noticing how my breathing goes higher up in my chest and how my stomach goes tight in anxiety to keep it all together. My work can be so, so, busy, full, demanding and overwhelming at times. I feel this constant pressure and feel like I am always rushing from one thing to the next. In the evenings I just can’t think and when I don’t take down time to do absolutely nothing on the weekends to balance it, I feel it during the week.
I find that when I can relax into this and let go a bit, trusting my intuition more, magic & synchronicity starts to happen. A kind of effortless lightness begins to be cultivated and things begin to get accomplished quicker in unusual ways that my chronological, left brain never considered as a possibility before.
Rock + Water. Photo by Ingrid Cryns
What I’ve learned is that whenever I feel this ‘rush’ kind of feeling, I have to slow down, get more grounded and centered and then should triple check the minute details of what I’m doing. I find when I’m in the ‘rushing’ space, details get lost and I make mistakes. I used to do that when I wrote tests as I child. I could write them fast, but I often didn’t double check the test and made silly mistakes only because of my speed. The thing is that when you are in it, it usually is hard to know that you are not grounded as you normally are. It’s more in retrospect that you find this out, after you’ve made an error or crossed a line and felt afterwards that something doesn’t feel right.
One reason that it may be harder for us to feel grounded or centred on a daily basis could be due to the fact that the earth’s electromagnetic fields are weakening because of EMF (Electromagnetic frequency) toxicity. I am aware too that the North/South pole is slowly also shifting on it’s axis, which affects our equilibrium.
I’ve also heard that TIME is doing weird things and actually speeding up – we don’t see that on the clock or how time is recorded, but the feeling is there and has also been commented on by various friends to me. It feels like time is compressed and events appear to rush by, the day goes faster and faster. To stop and just breathe, taking in someone’s kind comment, eye contact for a minute or noticing a beautiful thing outside in nature, all helps to slow it all down.
All of this means that we have to constantly ‘recalibrate’ ourselves daily and do things to slow us down more and more to be able to catch those details and also be gentle on ourselves when we make mistakes (my reminder as I am still hard on myself for doing that).
I find myself craving downtime to balance the busy-ness of the majority of my days. I often will watch a movie, to help shut off the thinking of my huge to do list. But what I’m actually really craving is to touch into the space of SILENCE. Everything else is a temporary band aid solution that only comforts for a bit, manages me temporarily. Finding the time and focus to drop into SILENCE is what will be able to hold me in such a way that nothing else will satisfy.
Just like we build spaces and buildings around us to shelter, protect our physical bodies, we can also cultivate inner spaces that can nourish us, inspire us, re-charge us. It takes attention, self-reflection, spiritual warrier work to be able to sit still and hear your fears, face your aloneness (or all-one-ness), learn how to slow it all down and come back to the centre, the hub rather than running around like a goose with it’s head cut off, running around the periphery of the wheel, of yourself. This hanging out on the periphery of who you truly are in your SOUL, keeps your energy on the edge, loosing bits, scattering yourself in a kind of constant, high anxiety, panic.
My gentle suggestion for all of you is to find out what you need to do to come back to your centre and to learn how to cultivate your inner silence and then practice, nourish, grow it as much as you can. It is a practice and I’m still only a beginner…….I hear my SOUL calling me deeper into my interior……building my SOUL….